Warstuck
by Obsessed Alois
Summary: The humans and the trolls are at war. John is a derpy president. Sollux is best troll. It's better than it sounds.


For my lovely kismesis. I fucking hate you. 

I will not put ships in this. 

Prepare for a long ass story.

The battle fields were painted with a rainbow of blood. The smell of death had been in the air for well over a year now. There were final cries of the soldiers rang through the musty summer air as others pushed on in the battle. No one was really sure what you were fighting about. All anyone knew was that you fight or you die.

**Reader: Be the leader.**

You are now the leader. Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are 15 sweeps old (about 32 in human years). You haven't grown an inch over 5'3" and you are still the angry bastard you were when you were 13. The only thing that has even remotely changed is that now you are the president of the republic of Alternia.

A knock sounds through your office and you wonder which grub infested dead-beat troll it could be now. You buzz whoever it fucking is in and prepare your somewhat dry throat to give out another lecture on how you made it _perfectly fucking clear _you were not to be disturbed. Though, the sight of Eridan Ampora is as nauseating to make you stop the exploit of explicit words about to escape your mouth.

"WHAT THE FUCK COULD YOU WANT AT THIS TIME?" Your voice comes out harsher than you expected but, that's always been the case.

"I havve the treaty from that landwwellin' human boy, John."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO SOONER YOU WRETCHED FUCK?" You snatch the paper from the fish boy's fingers.

"He's requestin' wwe cease our attacks on China."

"YES, I KNOW. I CAN READ FUCK ASS. BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO STOP BOMBING CHINA UNTIL WE GET THE REQUIRED FUCKING SPACE WE NEED." You said and your grasping limb slammed on your desk. "TELL FEFERI TO SEND SHIPS TO START A BLOCKADE AND TELL ARADIA TO CUT BACK THE AMOUNT OF AIRSTRIKES BY HALF. TELL EQUIUS TO SEND IN 5,000 MORE TROOPS AND FOR GOG'S SAKE, DON'T LET NEPETA GET THIS OUT TO THE FUCKING PRINT. GOT IT?"

"Yes sir. Kanaya should be returnin' in a few days with negotiations." Eridan informed before excusing himself.

Your sigh carries more weight than usual as you throw yourself into your desk chair and sink low to try and hide from the world. Eyes drifting close, you know it won't be long until some fuckass runs in here to tell you something else unplanned happened.

As if you could predict the future, Aradia barges in her rusty red blood boiling. It wasn't even ten minutes since you predicted something else would happen. Straightening up you clear your throat and give her a look. "CAN I HELP YOU?"

"Can y0u help me? Yes y0u can fucking help me. What's this shit Amp0ra is spewing 0ut ab0ut cutting back the air f0rce attacks by _half?_"

"LOOK, WE CAN'T GO FULL FUCKING THROTLE ON THEM YET. WE NEED TO SAVE AIR POWER AS A LAST RESULT. BESIDES, IF ONE OF YOUR FUCKING PILOTS DECIDES TO BOMB CHINA'S OUTGOING FLEETS THEN OUR ENTIRE FRONT LINE OF NAVAL SHIPS IS GOING TO BE WIPED OUT."

"That's n0t my department theref0re, I d0n't care if our naval fleets 0ur wiped 0ut. If I have t0 bring back half 0f the tr0lls I sent 0ut, we're going t0 l0se maj0r territ0ry 0ver the air!"

"FINE. THEN ONLY BRING BACK A FOURTH OF THE STUPID TROLLS. JUST LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP ON THE BOMBINGS, UNDERSTAND?"

You can hear she's unhappy she has to cut back any men but she takes the offer knowing she can't have much better. She salutes you then leaves and you salute back. _'Why didn't Eridan salute? Fucking ingrate.' _You growl mentally to yourself as you slump back down. Please, someone give you any bit of good news.

Twenty minutes goes by of you just sitting there until you hear your office phone ring.

**Karkat: Be the coolest fucking troll ever.**

You are now the coolest fucking troll ever. As you dial up the leader's number a smirk can't help but play on your lips as you twirl the phone cord nonchalantly around your finger. You hear his yelling that has been muffled by the shitty phone quality.

"PLEASE TELL ME YOU GOT IN." he says practically begging.

"Do you thiink ii'd be calling iif ii diidn't get iin? Iit wa2 a challenge but yeah, we're iin to their .A network2."

"YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW RIGHT?"

"Of cour2e kk. II'm 2endiing the viiru2 out now."

"THANK FUCKING GOG. I'M CALLING A MEETING SO YOU CAN ANNOUNCE THAT THE HUMANS FILES ARE COPIED TO THE TROLLS NOW. BE IN THE MAIN BUILDING IN AN HOUR."

"Got iit kk. 2ee you there."

You are such a bad-ass.

[END CHAPTER ONE]


End file.
